Updated: Jan 25, 2022
Before we begin a big shout out to all you beautiful Mental Mum's you are all doing a fabulous job and don't you forget it! Right lets get to it then....
I was a young mum of 18 to two boys who were reasonably chilled, had the odd tantrum but fairly easy going, went to bed at a next to normal time (unless I had guests in which case they felt the need to put on a show!) then later on in life at a more mature age of 30 and 36 I was blessed with two girls and wow to say it hit me is an understatement, I mean I was so nervous coz it not only was new to me going from boys to girls but also their was a 9 year gap in between Logan and Ruby!
Don't get me wrong I love my girls more than life itself just like my boys, my kids are my life but how different they are is nuts! I pretty much lost my privacy, gained an unwanted mini detective and nothing was mine anymore unless I locked it up in a volt and threw away the key (lol).
Girls are challenging and much more inquisitive about life and what's in it, but also iv noticed they worry from quite a young age, which I find extremely worrying myself as a parent. So lets dive right into the 7 things you need to know about raising girls.....
1. Privacy.... What's That?
Right from when Ruby was young she never wanted to leave my side and when she started walking she would follow me everywhere even to the toilet. She's still the same to this day and she's now 8!
When I plan to have a nice hot relaxing bubbly bath in my jungle sanctuary of a bathroom, she has the same idea coz , no she don't go to bed early she never has even when she gets up early for school, work that out coz I can't? She sits herself on the toilet and supervises me but recently she's been sitting on the side of the bath with her legs in and then by the end she's sitting in it! Iv literally been pushed out of my bath! No relaxing for me then!
Ya see coz ruby don't go to bed until I do and trust me sometimes if Madison has gone to sleep early one night I sure as hell are taking my tired ass to bed too coz I don't get the opportunity very often so theirs Ruby awake all alone. Hopefully she gets better as she gets older, fingers crossed.
Now Madison is worse but in all fairness she was a lockdown baby, she was only 7months old when we went into our first lockdown so she was constantly attached to me like a baby monkey! Wherever I go she goes, to the toilet, upstairs, to cook dinner, downstairs, in the garden it don't matter she is literally up my backside she won't go to people, she won't stay with people so yep this muma is burnt out mentally and physically!
If I'm honest I would get a little anxious when being without her. But since she's been going to pre-school its helped us both become more confident and independent (lol).
Ruby did struggle for a while after the first lockdown and she had to go back to school she didn't want to leave mummy and flat out refused to go which was hard for the both of us but it was only a faze (thank god!) we thankfully got past it and she now is very confident and happy going to school. Praise the lord!
I do know for a lot of parents out their the struggle is very much still real for them and their child has sever separation anxiety which i hear about all the time. How difficult it is for the parent and the child and with the pandemic making it at an all time high!
2. Attention! Attention! Attention!
Iv found with my girls they always want your attention, whether that's playing a game with them or wanting you to watch them while their jumping off the small table, thinking how clever she is and thinking you will praise them for being so clever. Madison is always doing this, or when they say... "come see mummy" and you expect it to be something amazing but all it is, is the cat sleeping on top of her book (lol).
Its hard to balance giving them "good attention" and "bad attention" especially in their toddler years where their testing your patience and pushing your buttons to see what ones get the reaction their looking for?
These are the years we tend to give them a lot of negative attention coz their having a tantrum literally every 5 minutes! you can't help but react sometimes screaming your head off when she has your nail varnish out attempting to paint herself with it! Why do they want to do everything and touch everything their like miniature detectives on red bull.
And then theirs the slightly older girl who insists on going everywhere and anywhere but home after a busy day at school and if she can't, she starts whaling like a sobbing zombie! Honestly is it just my daughter? She never wants to go straight home, she even asks other parents if she can come round for a play date in front of me! its so so embarrassing, I actually feel offended.
On top of that she always asks what were doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing in the next 10 minutes let along tomorrow! She is on me 24/7 coz yep she don't go to bed until I do so theirs no "me time" in the evening, no time to myself like most parents. I'm not quite sure how or when it happened it just feels like its always been this way so really it is my fault for not being more strict right.
But to be fair she just don't get tired like other kids do and she's up early at 7.30am every morning for school so its just her she just keeps on going like a duracell battery.
3. Oi That's Mine!
Say goodbye to all your own belongings coz trust me even if you hide them away they will hunt them down and sniff them out like cave children! And no buying them their own will not deter them from wanting yours coz exactly the same or not yours is always more appealing than their own.
Many times Ruby has taken my makeup or Iv caught her no matter where I hide them she finds them. She even has her own but no like i said she wants mine more. She even gets out my clothes and my shoes and waltz around the house in them like some girl band member. I mean Id expect my younger sister to nick my clothes as we usually do but my 8 year old daughter, well I thought I had at least another 3 years till her teens?
Now Madison takes it all in looking up to her older sister she has started to take my makeup and she's only 2! Oh no boss baby don't you even think about it! no way its time I got a safe for all my things.
And I hope you don't mind sharing your food coz yep they love eating and wanting whats your even if its the same as theirs! Funny tho coz that olive was not a grape aye girls! LOL!
4. But Why Mum?
Prepare for the Spanish inquisition on the daily, its like living with a mini detective, maybe she would be a good one? On one hand yes it is a good thing for a child to as questions after all this is how they learn but when its constant and everyday it starts to drive you up the wall just a little right please tell me I'm not alone on this?
Its constantly "why this" and "what's that", I feel like a walking encyclopedia that's on repeat, but bless her she does forget, we suspect she has dyslexia which effects your memory so sometimes what she learned one day she would forget the next.
I asked her teacher if she asks a lot of questions in class but she don't so maybe that's why she doesn't, when she comes home she gets upset about no one helping her. I think she is very keen to learn but the dyslexia holds her back and knocks her confidence.
Even Madison has joined in the party but she's more like "mum what's that" or "mum who's that" and of course "mummy come see". Girls are very chatty and like to talk to everyone. Even a trip on the bus isn't without drama.... long conversations with the lovely old dears. Its a match made in heaven really coz they love to have someone to chat to and well Ruby loves to interrogate! I can see her now... Top MI5 operative (lol) I know I watch too much mission impossible.
Then theirs the big awkward questions every parent dreads (omg took me so long to get that word out of my head and on the screen! It is 10pm), you Know the ones I'm referring to... "mummy where do babies come from?" and "mummy why do you have hair down their?", I was not expecting these questions for years to come yet so she caught me off guard. Then their are the notorious birds and the bees questions which thank god she's not got to yet.
Gosh why do girls have to know everything? When I was young I'm sure I was just as inquisitive but I do remember loving English, just not the teacher which at the time put me off. I thought teachers were meant to bring out and nourish our creative sides not stamp them out!
I personally think the problem is theirs not enough teachers to go round, so one person teaching 30 kids is hard and then, bearing in mind some will learn differently, some will need extra help, some will need encouragement, to me I personally think it should be one teacher to every 10 kids so that teacher can personally connect with those 10 kids, how different would our society be, more happy kids of the future.
Its sad that when it comes down to it, its all about money and resources. When really it should be about the children's education! Education of today needs to evolve but the lack of money means lack of evolution and more kids with a simple life instead of a prospers one!
Well I totally went on a rant their didn't I (lol) its something I feel very passionate about, can ya tell?
5. Why Am I Arguing With A Child?
Finally their is what I call BF's (bitch fits) seriously girls should come with their own warning sign! At first I just thought it was Ruby that had the crazy outbursts of rage and bashing of the furniture like she's trying to make some home made drum and bass tune (lol).
It can be quite hard to watch when she's that bad and quite upsetting but once its over she's worn out and tired so retreats to bed. I'm hoping it is just a faze as she's not had one in a while so fingers crossed but if she's anything like my niece they will just evolve into something much worse so I don't think I'm out of the woods yet so watch this space!
Madison is in the terrible 2's stage so tantrums are pretty much a daily occurrence. I call her my "crazy banshee" coz honestly that's what she's like sometimes its quite entertaining but occasionally she can get very distressed which is then not so entertaining and more upsetting.
This age is challenging even more so coz at least an 8 year old can say what their feeling but a two year old you pretty much have to guess. This age is where the back chatting starts even earlier when they have older siblings to learn from, maybe that's why the youngest becomes the smartest.
Honestly Iv found its much more effective to get down to the child's level and talk to them otherwise your in danger of having a shouting match before you know it, which solves nothing. Just remember that our mini me's, so maybe remember what it was like for you as a child if your memories go back that far?
You could always try the naughty corner or step for some time out when they miss behave (super nanny style) or if that fails take away their fav toy but defiantly make sure you follow through with what you say otherwise it won't work coz she will just thank your a push over!
6. Future Career's Guaranteed!
Girls are so caring and loving and that's not to say boys ain't coz my boys were when they were little but girls don't loose it they are always the ones that stay close to their mums and want to make sure their ok and looked after. I suppose not all girls are the same, but that's how its turned out for me, my sister and my mum and I hope it will be the same for my girls and my boys too!
The one sweet memory I have of my boys when they were younger is I was once sick and I mean literally puking down the toilet and they were their behind me, they must of been around seven and ten, patting me on the back telling me I'm going to be ok, but now their twenty and seventeen and if and when I'm sick now they don't come out of their rooms, in fact they are no where to be seen! lol.
7. Please Mummy Can I Have Some More
I used to think it was just a Ruby thing but I was wrong so then it made me feel much better coz I really though I was doing something wrong or maybe were all doing something wrong? never thought of that! The question is.... why do they always want MORE?
Ruby is never happy, we could go to the toy shop and she always has to have more than one thing for starters, but then after she's spent all of her money she always wants More! More to the point, when she cries, which really frustrates me coz I want her to be more grateful for what she has and think herself lucky coz not all children of the world have lots of toys.
I'm trying to teach her the value of money, which I think is the first thing they should teach you in math coz numbers have a lot to do with money right? Knowing the value of it and where it comes from (which FYI I never knew myself till I learned about cryptocurrency around 5 years ago)
Yep another rant at the education system and how its just not evolved enough or teaching relevant skills to our kids? I mean algebra, really? WTF does everyone need that for?
Thankfully like I said Ruby's not the only kid like it but then that's quite worrying for their generation to be a bunch of wanting it all, greedy gits that's not a generation I want my kids to grow up in that's for sure.
So what can we do to prevent it you say? Great minds aye I was thinking the exact same thing.... well I suggest to teach our children the story of where money comes from and the value of it:
Being materialistic does not necessary make you happy in the long run
How to budget effectively and use credit in the right way
Have a confidant and healthy relationship with money
To give is better than to be greedy and to be grateful for what you have
To teach them about other countries and their culture
meditation and getting in touch with your intuition
Be creative and follow your dreams nothing is impossible - Im-possible
Raising children can prove a very challenging, scary, frustrating and all out hard job, but can also be very rewarding at the same time! After all we are raising people of the future and I hope to raise strong, resilient children. I personally think I let my boys down. I was a young mum and a selfish one at that, so I didn't nurture them as much as I should of especially as I was a single mum.
It was my job, I failed them and I could of simply done Better! To be honest I'm a more mature, wiser and stronger women these days. When I had my boys I was still damaged but since then Iv learned so much and, well I'm a better version of me for sure!
I do think women still have it harder than men, so I need to be sure to raise some badass, tough women and that will be a challenge but I'm up for the job!
That’s all from me today, until next week..
Remember keep Smiling & Laugh a little Everyday!
Your Mental Mum...
Ps, Do you have girls? Can you relate or is your experience any different? Id love to hear from you!
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