Help! My Baby Stole My Identity!
Are you a new mum? Or like me have spread your baby making out so have a man child of 20 and your youngest is 2. Coz to be honest I have been struggling with my identity for years and only felt like "Karly" when I was out with my girlfriends and then carefully put her back in her cage until the next time I could let her loose. When were out out.
So why do we loose our identity? In my opinion you end up being in that mummy bubble and so you don't see your friends and family as much especially in the baby years and so you loose your purpose from when you was single and working, to your life purpose is now raising this adorable little human. And then they start speaking and so they constantly repeat mum,mum,mum,mum 24/7 and the more children you have the more mum,mum,mum is being repeated!
Being a parent is a massive responsibility but also an amazing experience coz your kids end up teaching you important life lessons along the way too. Like most jobs in fact! And don't get me wrong I don't regret having my kids I love them more than anything in the world, I'm just saying how most of us mums feel and that your not alone in feeling it. And you know what babe that's OK!
I think we just get so wrapped up in parenthood we forget to look after ourselves and that's a big part of who we are and how we see ourselves.
I was a young 18 year old girl when I had my first son and well I didn't really have much of a purpose in life back then, I struggled with mental health, so having him made my life important which gave me purpose. Only since I'v had my youngest Madison age 2 I make more of an effort to organise time out with my girlfriends and look after myself by getting fit and healthy. I have also found a greater purpose in my life and that is helping others with their mental health.
What other mums say...
Leading GP Dr Pixie McKenna, spokeswoman for Nurofen for Children, which conducted the study of 2,000 mums, said: ''It is easy to underestimate the impact having a baby has on a woman's life.
A large percentage even admitted the more negative aspects of parenthood - such as sleepless nights, the feeling of being lost, lonely and bewilderment - outweighed the positive.
And while mums said they did start to really enjoy motherhood from about six months in, 65% admit they find the first year incredibly stressful - 52% genuinely felt as though they'd lost their identity. To read the full article visit the website.
In this TEDX talk by Sheryl Zieglar she speaks about a book she read that inspired her to take part in this event. That book is The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan 1963. Where Betty interviews mothers and uncovered that these mums felt unfulfilled, alone and ashamed to admit that they felt lost in the midst of motherhood she called "The Problem With No Name". Check out her awesome talk... nb v
Ways To Take Back Your Identity
Stay Connected With Your Friends
Its important to stay in contact with your friends. Of course they will be banging on ya door to see your new bundle of joy but I mean see your friends outside of your baby/kids. Go out out or have a girls cocktail night, even a book club if that's your jam. Make it a once a month thing and make sure you get dulled up for it coz you deserve to be YOU for that one night a month.
Make New Mummy Friends
At the other end of the scale if you ain't already got some mummy friends then you are bound to make some when you take your little one to baby sensory or mother and toddler group. Be prepared to put yourself out their coz otherwise you will feel alone with no one to gossip about your babies first word being the F word or sharing advice and silly mum things that your childless friends just would not get! You can do it!
Take Care Of Yourself
This goes without saying but the cold hard truth is you do let things slide when you've had like 3 hours sleep and slowly loosing the will to live. It can literally come down to sleep or bath? And well when your that sleep deprived mummy trust me a bath won't even come into that tired head of yours!
As your baby grows older and allows you to sleep longer then you have to choose between housework and working out or you could be smart and combine the two? Try your best to eat well and stay fit but take your time and don't be too hard on yourself coz sleep is more important than anything as it will effect your everyday activities not getting enough. My advice is to drink a shit ton of water!
Make An Effort On Your Appearance
With an exception of the first month or two, you don't wanna be rocking the mumbie look for long coz you can help yourself look and feel a bit more like a human now. I'm not saying you need to slap on a full face of makeup just to pop to the shops or for the school run, just at least brush your hair and wash your face to look more fresh and alive.
The fact is when you make yourself look good you then feel good and that my darling will give you a boost especially when the compliments start coming in. Show yourself and the world you are a yummy mummy but also a badass women!
Find Your Purpose In Life
I know what you maybe thinking... "my kids are my purpose in life" and that's totally ok they are mine too but I have more to give in this life and I think you do too. All coz we are mums don't mean we can't create something for ourselves and that is why a lot of mums turn to making money online and even starting their own business, like myself.
I am a blogger of course if you are reading this you will know that. I also have a podcast, my own planners and soon journals I sell on Amazon and I am also training to be a life coach.
So how do you even start to determine what your purpose is you say?
Well first it all depends if you want to go it alone (like me) or join a company, and then ask yourself what do you love to talk about till the cows come home? what lights you up inside?
And then go with that coz if you don't really truly love what you do everyday then you won't get out of bed for it and it will be dead in the water before you even get started. If you need help get in touch with me via my Facebook coaching page, free of charge of course while I am still in training.
Being a mum is hard work coz were not just a mum we doing all the jobs... nanny, chef, cleaner, teacher, gardener, hairdresser (if your brave enough) and sometimes even dad coz his just not around so wow! We are just amazing so don't you feel guilty or let anyone else make you feel guilty for wanting something just for yourself.
The sense of achievement is fulfilling and more and more mums are getting hungry for it coz they can see whats possible. And trust me sweetie it is possible, so dream big and get that sweet ball rolling coz you are the writer of your own life and this life is Yours for the taking! Take your identity and shape it into the life of your dreams. You got this this!
That’s all from me today, until next week...
Remember to Keep Smiling & Laugh a little Every day!
Your Mental Mum...
If you would like to join The Mental Mum Community were you can find mental health and mum life support, helpful advice and learn something new, we would love to have you!
Ps, Did you feel like you lot a sense of your identity when you had your baby? What is your purpose in life?