Loving An Addict
Updated: Jan 25, 2022
Oh what a touchy subject for some, some might even say Iv got balls for being open and sharing our story and I say our story coz were still together to this day and we will be forever, that I know.
Why is it the word "ADDICT" is such a tainted word?
Its almost a swear word that no one likes to share and speak of like if they do their mouth will somehow be dirty? Yes I agree its not a lovely inviting word but nether the less it is a word that has meaning...
Addiction is defined as a chronic, relapsing disorder characterized by compulsive drug seeking, continued use despite harmful consequences, and long-lasting changes in the brain. It is considered both a complex brain disorder and a mental illness.
See, you read that at the end it is a complex brain disorder and a mental illness! So please people stop with the judging and lack of empathy coz the truth is they have a story, they have just lost their way and that is sad.
So with that being said Yes he is still an addict, he is imprisoned by his addiction to cannabis. It's all he knows, it helps him feel "normal" it helps him function and I know this coz Iv been living with it with him for 9 years and counting!
Why am I still with him you ask? Well the truth is I love him, I believe in him and I just know he will beat his addiction eventually and we will live a happy and awesome life together. Sure the journey will be hard, yep we will struggle but I will never give up on him coz I know his my person, his my forever person.
Ok maybe your thinking being addicted to cannabis is not that bad in comparison to heroin which I agree but all the same its still an addiction especially once it starts to effect your life and the people you love. We did split twice in those 9 years but also had two beautiful girls which you can say have brought us back together.
How I see It Through his Eyes...
Cannabis basically rules his life. He needs it to function, to feel "normal" to motivate him believe it or not. Yes his tried to give it up many times unsuccessfully of course. His even cut down before coz as you can imagine its not cheap and over the years he has become somewhat used to it so the effects don't do what they used to so it takes more to get the same effect which then costs more!
Like were talking £20-£40+ daily, so yes this is one of the reasons we split, but I understand how hard it is for him I am lucky to be blessed with the ability to have empathy for others and put myself in their shoes, maybe this is why where still together.
He is imprisoned and a slave to his addiction, its his safe place his comfort and simply all he knows but I do know he doesn't want to be a prisoner to his addiction anymore, but finds it hard to take that leap especially off his own back.
He needs the motivation and the support, which of course he has mine but theirs only so much I can do right, his got to find the strength inside to take that leap and then keep it up and not give in.
I know he feels useless sometimes as I can't rely on him coz most of his wages goes on his addiction, don't get me wrong he always sends me money for the girls weekly without fail, but when we need to save for like Christmas he finds it hard to find the extra money.
Then there's the mood swings if he don't smoke his joint then you can say hello to the hulk coz OMG he will turn into that green monster (funny how the hulks green) at the smallest thing, his anxious, stressed and gosh he even gets jittery and sweats at night that's if he even manages to sleep that is!
He must be kept busy at all times to take his mind off the cannabis, but soon as theirs nothing else to do shit goes down and the hulk comes out. And if he don't have the money for it he will bully you till you give in or else! So of course that's exactly what I do although this hasn't happened for some time now as he works so he always has the money or he can just tick it till he gets paid.
His not a very social person, not like me anyway so its good he has a big family coz he has a friend in his four brothers. You see he finds it very hard to trust people, even me his always accusing me of talking to other men, his paranoia has gotten worse over the years and I try to help by reassuring him but once he gets something in his head it takes over.
He is an extremely loyal person and gives himself 100% to you in his eyes but again his addiction controls him and his life and I do think his coming to realise this.
In his eyes he has come a long way over the years and I agree he has grown as a person but with regards to his addiction he is back to square one again and smoking it so much more then he can even realise.
How I See It Through My Eyes
For me its easy to tell him to cut down or quit coz I'm not the one addicted to cannabis and I do feel for him. I know its hard to stop doing something you do daily for so many years its sure as hell not easy and to be honest I think he needs help.
He can't see his life without cannabis so he needs help but the help the government provide is not enough for him, his been down that road more than once and to be honest he most defiantly needs something like rehab to work on himself and how to control his emotions. Trouble is they cost a lot of money that we just don't have right now.
He needs to find ways of managing his emotions like his anger and frustration in a different way and would benefit from counselling along with a life coach (which funny enough I'm training to be) I personally think most people in todays society would benefit from a life coach.
Life is hard and having the guidance and support a life coach provides would make a huge difference in a persons life. If you ask me every secondary school should have a group of in house life coaches for students. I don't get why Schools don't teach all students what they need like:
Learning these skills in life helps you not only grow as a person but opens new doors and opportunities.
How I See Our Future
"Will you marry me?" he asked on my birthday with a beautiful stunning ring and what came out of my mouth next was shocking even to me! "Fuck off", Yep I actually, in my defence, thought he was having me on like proper pranking me coz iv been waiting for him to say those four loving words for like the best part of seven years!
Now its happening OMG! I'm in shock... so babe I Love You and I officially apologise to you, you know I wouldn't want it any other way but to be your wife!
I see our future bright, happy and full of adventure. We live near the sea down the south of England and I have a successful home business blogging and life coaching and we both invest in various stocks, shares and crypto.
Tony has his own construction company coz his more of a hands on man and has to do something physical. We both enjoy the gym when not working and love to travel often. We live in a beautiful home we designed and built ourselves. We enjoy long walks along the beach with our dogs and girls.
Iv really thought about it can you tell? (lol).
When it comes down to it I know he has it in him and as crazy as it sounds, I know he will stop and be the man he so desperately longs to be and I know he can be! Iv seen it and I believe it, I'm just not sure on the how and the when but what I am sure of is I will be along for the journey!
This is my personal story and very private but I felt the need to share with others in the hope I can help someone that is struggling with their partner and their addiction. Maybe they can relate to me and my story which can impact their life in some way which would make me happy!
We need to share our lives and experiences more, we need to talk more and not be scared that people will judge us for them. We are all human and were not perfect, we make mistakes but we learn from them. If you need support in any way please come join our community where you can be You, vulnerable and bare, in your birthday suit if you like? lol! Only joking!
All are welcome! Join here!
That’s all from me today, until next week...
Remember keep Smiling & Laugh a little everyday!
Your Mental Mum...